


It's Just Me and Your Ghost, Kuroo

by kozumeshairdye



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Depression, KuroKen - Freeform, M/M, References to Depression, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:28:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28861803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kozumeshairdye/pseuds/kozumeshairdye
Summary: an au where kuroken are both driven apart by a troublemaker...
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma/Terushima Yuuji
Kudos: 5





	It's Just Me and Your Ghost, Kuroo

Kozume Kenma never had much friends when he was a child, but during high school, he changed that. He was popular, everyone knew him, made rumors about him, etc. He didn't like the attention, but he wanted to make his childhood friend, Kuroo Tetsurou, happy and not worry about Kenma. Kenma didn't like, talk talk to everyone, but he was still known. He even was hit on by random guys. He still was awkward, though. But he continued this life because of a certain someone...

Kenma cared for Kuroo so much to the point that he just put himself through pain to make sure Kuroo was happy. Kenma didn't want to admit it, but he loved him. He wanted him to be his boyfriend, but he didn't have the courage to say it. He just stayed as a cold, unfazed person towards Kuroo. Everyone was unaware of his feelings, or so he thought.

...

Bokuto, being aloof as usual, sprinted across the hallway to Kenma and Kuroo, Akaashi following behind him, whom had less enthusiasm as Bokuto. 

"HEY HEY HEY, KUROBROOO!!!!"  
"HEY BOKUBROOO!!"

The owl and the rooster then ran at each other, jumping into a chest bump. Akaashi and Kenma stared at each other in annoyance. "Bokuto-san, we need to head to class."

"Butttt Agaasheeeee," **(Yes that is how he pronounces it, and he also has no idea how to spell Akaashi's name either)** Bokuto frowned at the black-haired second year, "I wanna hang with my bro." Bokuto pouted at Akaashi for what seemed like forever before Bokuto decided it wasn't a good idea to argue. Instead he just sighed and said his goodbyes to Kuroo, following Akaashi down the hall. Kenma and Kuroo stood there in silence until the two boys were just specs in the distance.

"Hey, KenKen~"

"One, don't call me that and two, never say it like that."

Kuroo pouted at Kenma, then, to Kenma's surprise, grabbed Kenma's hand and ran down the hall, the opposite way of where Akaashi and Bokuto went.

"What the?!" Kenma shouted as Kuroo practically dragged him down the hall. 

"I'm taking you to Chibi-Chan so you stop looking so fucking down." This caused Kenma to blush, but he instinctively hid his face in his jacket so Kuroo wouldn't see. Kenma loved it when Kuroo would do anything to make him happy.

...

After what felt like an eternity, class was finally over. Earlier Kenma and Hinata had walked to class after Kuroo dragged Kenma to Hinata. Kuroo just ran off, leaving the two second years confused. 

"Hey Shoyo," Kenma turned quickly around in his seat to face the ginger who sat right behind him.

"Yes, Ken?"

"What are you doing after school?" Kenma cocked his head to the side, wonder and mischief in his eyes. He knew exactly what his friend was doing. He was going to meet with the setter of the volleyball team, Kageyama Tobio. Kenma was confused and surprised the two weren't dating. They spent so much time together that everyone believed they were dating.

Hinata's face flushed, "Just hanging out with Tobio, why?"

"Ohoho, you used his first name~" Kenma never acted this way, but he felt comfortable enough around Hinata to act like an asshole.

Hinata's face turned red as a tomato, "K-Kenma!!!!" He yelled, as if he was whining, and as he did so he slammed his face into the desk.

Kenma jumped, "Shoyo! Why did you do that??"

....

The two walked out of the classroom, into the hall. Hinata had a big bump on his forehead from where he hit his head. Kenma was giggling and scolding Hinata for doing what he did.

"Boke, Hinata, Boke!!" A very familiar voice shouted from behind them. Hinata's eyes sparkled as he turned around to face a fairly tall male, with gorgeous blue eyes. 

"Bakayama!!" Hinata ran up to Kageyama, giving him a giant hug. Kageyama's face turned bright red as he hugged the smaller male back. The two boys didn't notice Kenma leave, whom was heading to his locker.

....

Once Kenma reached his locker, he sighed as he opened it. As he grabbed his notebook from out of it, the next thing he knows a male is standing on the side of him, flirting.

"Hey Kitten, need any help with that?" Kenma turned to face a tall boy with brown eyes. His hair, bleached to blonde, was pulled back by some hair gel. He had his ears pierced, black studs in them, and his tongue was, infact, also pierced. He was indeed hot, but Kenma didn't find him as his type. Infact, Kenma was stunned and didn't know what to do in that situation. Why would a hot guy talk to HIM of all people?

"U-Uh no, I got it," Kenma swiftly turned to face his locker again, but was stopped by the boy. 

"Ah- I forgot to introduce myself," The boy laughed nervously, "The name is Terushima Yuji. I take that you're Kenma Kozume?" Kenma nodded as his reply. But Kenma decided to be bold, "I take that you're the flirtatious type, eh?"

"Ohoho," Terushima, also being bold, grabbed Kenma, turning around, and pinned him into the locker behind them, "I am, aren't I?"

Kenma face was flushed from confusion.

"So anyways, I wanted to invite a doll like you to a party this Friday, you up for it?"

Kenma hesitated at first, but nodded in agreement because how could he say no to a hot guy like Terushima?

"Great!" Terushima exclaimed as he backed away, "see you then?"

Kenma nodded.

Terushima walked away from Kenma. Kenma's mind was rushing with emotions and questions, but before he could pull himself together, he saw someone from the corner of his eye. He slowly turned his head to see Kuroo, standing there in shock.

Kenma stared at Kuroo in disbelief. He couldn't figure out what to say. Even though the two weren't dating, Kuroo clearly looked hurt by what just had happened. Did Kenma just say that Terushima forced himself onto him? Or lie about it? Why would Kuroo be hurt by Kenma's relationships anyways?

"Why were you talking to him?"

"H-Huh?"

"Why were you talking to _him. _" Kuroo said more forcefully.__

"We didn't do anything, he just kind of f-forced himself onto me. I mean, why is it your concern anyways?"

Kuroo huffed, "I'm gonna kick his ass," Kuroo states as he began to walk towards the way Terushima walked off, but was stopped by Kenma.

"H-Huh why?" Kenma looked up to Kuroo with big puppy dog eyes, hand clutching the larger boy's wrist.. Kuroo's gaze softened as he looked back down at his best friend.

"Because that _guy _is a player. I don't want him to hurt you in any way." Kenma was speechless as a blush appeared across his face, which he didn't notice was there until he felt the heat radiating off of his face.__

"Well I can take care of myself, Kuro," He looked at Kuroo with an expression of annoyance. "I don't need you to be watching over every little thing I do." Kenma let go of Kuroo's wrist. Walking away, leaving Kuroo confused, angry, and depressed.

* * *

_**Kuroo Tetsurou's POV**_

Kuroo watched Kenma walk off, but once he was fully out of view his face heated. It heated from anger and his love for Kenma, but in this anger he slammed his head into Kenma's locker. Luckily, Kuroo just got off with a headache, but the locker had a dent in it.

"Fucking shit!" He shouted as he clutched his fists. Why did he just do that? Why is he angry? Kenma doesn't love him like Kuroo loves him, so what's the point of being mad?

Kuroo stomped off, his mind clouded with thoughts. So clouded he couldn't even hear the voice calling out to him.

"Kurobro! You okay?" The voice called out. Kuroo ignored. Suddenly a hand is placed on his shoulder, which caused him to jump. He turned to see Bokuto, "Oh hey Bokuto-"

"Why were you ignoring me?"

"Sorry I was just-"

"You good? I saw you hit your head into **Kenma's** locker. And-"

A shorter boy with a gorgeous face stopped Bokuto from saying anymore. "Let him talk, Bokuto-san," the boy said calmly.

"Sorry Agasheeee," Bokuto said in a sad tone, his expression turning to a deep frown.

"I just was... mad," Kuroo reluctantly responded.

"Why?"

"Because Terushima asked Kenma to go to that party on Friday, when _I_ was going to ask Kenma _myself,_ " Kuroo's blood began to boil at just hearing Terushima's name. Kenma didn't love Terushima... or did he? Was he losing his best friend, not only that but his crush, to a player? Despair clouded over Kuroo. Kuroo just walked off before the two boys could reply. In the corner of Kuroo's eye, he could see Bokuto trying to run after him, but only to be stopped by Akaashi. Kuroo was out of earshot so he couldn't hear them but he assumed Akaashi said something along the lines of: Give him space. Something like that.

...

The walk home was just so darn painful. He wasn't able to walk home with Kenma like always. He was just left about with the "spirit" of Kenma, his _own_ Kenma. The Kenma that loved him back. The Kenma who he could kiss and cuddle. The Kenma who was happy. 

Kuroo hated himself for this fake Kenma who would never exist. This was so depressing, Kuroo was depressing, his life was depressing, his love for Kenma was depressing.

Kuroo was angry, at himself and his love for Kenma. He knew what he had to do, continue the sentence.

He rushed to his room and torn apart his mattress to find his stress-reliever, the box cutter. 

It was his punishment for getting angry, once again.

He had to to add another letter to the sentence.

When he got mad, he punished himself by cutting another letter into his arm. This was the reason why he quit volleyball, because of his self-harm and anger issues.

He was only at "Kenma will."

The sentence was "Kenma will never love me."

Now he was writing the "n."

He walked to his bathroom, locking the door behind him. He rolled up his sleeves to see the red cuts on his arm. He took the box cutter into his hand, moving it to his arm and began to cut.

...

The next morning Kuroo stayed in bed, ignoring the shouts from his parents. He didn't want to go to school, not with the dread of seeing Kenma. Kuroo stayed up all night, bags under his eyes. He was hungry, but didn't want to get up to eat. He didn't eat much, only some paper. It was weird, but he gave him some sort of strength because he refused to eat real food. He felt like he didn't deserve to eat real food.

He knew this was wrong, but his depression clouded over him like some bullies. His act was getting harder and harder to put up with, hoping to maybe be happy someday, but he knew it would never happen. He'll never be normal. He'll never get anyone to love him. He'll never have Kenma.

* * *

_**Kenma Kozume's POV** _

Kenma stared at his locker, in utter confusion. Why would someone do this? Was it some prank? This morning was so confusing for Kenma. Kuroo refused to get out of bed to come to school when Kenma went to his house so they could walk together, Kenma's mixed feelings about Kuroo _and_ Terushima were bothering Kenma non-stop, now this. A mysterious dent in his locker. 

Kenma just sighed, swung his locker door open, placed his stuff inside and walked off to find Shoyo, closing his locker door of course. Kenma just wanted to have a good laugh to get his mind of everything but as he was walking, he was suddenly yanked to the side. Kenma was about to shout until he realized who it was. It was Terushima. Kenma's face heated as he saw the handsome boy again. "H-Huh?"

"You looked upset so I wanted to ask what was wrong, kitten?" Terushima actually didn't look flirty, his face was filled with genuine concern. They've only talked once and Terushima acted liked they've known each other forever.

"It's nothing, I was just going to find Shoyo."

"The little short guy who has tangerine hair?"

Kenma nodded.

"I'll walk with you, I know exactly where he is."

"No you don't need to-"

"It's my pleasure to help such a cute boy," Terushima smirked as he gripped Kenma's wrist, pulling him towards the direction of the gym. This act now even confused Kenma even more than before, and now he didn't know if he fell for someone he literally just met just by his looks.

After running through the hall, which felt like hours, they finally reached Shoyo. Kenma stared at Shoyo for about a second until he shook his wrist from Terushima, leaping at Shoyo with big arms. Kenma hugged the small boy and jokingly pointed at Terushima, "He was trying to kidnap me, Shoyo!" Shoyo looked confused as he looked up at Terushima, whom was looking at Kenma in confusion for a hot second until he realized he was only messing around. 

"I mean who wouldn't want to? You're just so cute I'm surprised not a lot of other guys try stealing you."

Kenma playfully punched Terushima, whom reacted dramatically.

"OoooWWWww Kenmaaaaaaa." Terushima spoke in a sad and whiny tone, but it was obvious he was joking.

Shoyo looked at the two, he looked uncomfortable as if he was a third-wheel for an old married couple. Or he was just purely uneasy about something else.

"Ken, let's just go."

Kenma cocked his head to the side, looking confused. He just shrugged it off as Shoyo was walking in the direction towards his and Shoyo's classroom. He looked at Terushima, who's gaze was clouded with sadness, just waved him goodbye and walked away. Kenma stood there for a few seconds until he ran to Shoyo.

* * *

_**Kuroo Tetsurou's POV**_

Kuroo sighed, finally picking up his phone after hours of sleeping and staring at the ceiling. It was 3:06 PM. His school was about to let out. He turned back into the covers until he jolted up. For some odd reason he wanted to go pick someone up from school. He rushed to his closet, clumsily throwing on some jeans, a black sweater, brown boot with fur and a belt. He ignored the yells from his parents as he dashed out the house.

...

When Kuroo reached the school he was out of breath, he ran a mile from his house to the school, at full speed. No breaks. No nothing. Just pure adrenaline and running. As he approached the entrance, he could see through the glass doors the boy he came to get. His pudding like hair was all neat but his face was pale, dark circles showing under his eyes.

Kuroo sighed, it was Kenma's usual look. No matter how many times Kuroo told Kenma to sleep properly, to put down the games, he refused.

For some reason his body wouldn't let him move, until he found out why.

Terushima Yuji.

The boy had a smug ass look on his face as he approached Kenma. Kuroo's blood began to boil. He wanted to scream. He wanted to tell Terushima that Kenma was _his_. But he did something else instead. 

Adrenaline pumping, he swung open the glass door, nearly breaking it. Kenma looked confused and shocked. Kuroo's body moved to Terushima, grabbing the smaller boy by his collar. He dragged Terushima outside while Terushima yelled. Kuroo blacked out.

...

Next thing Kuroo knew was that Terushima was on the ground, nose-broken as he shouted at Kuroo. Kuroo's gaze was blurry, but when he looked up he saw only one thing.

Kenma.

Kenma's face was filled with all emotions. The only one Kuroo could see was disgust.

"What the hell, Kuroo??" Kuroo snapped back into reality as Kenma yelled at his furiously.

"I was just.. I was..." Kuroo couldn't spit out the reason. He knew it was stupid. Kenma would think it was stupid. Everyone would think it was stupid.

"You what?" Kenma's voice rang in Kuroo's ear for about 5 seconds.

"I was trying to prove that he can't be flirting with you when he's already dating some other girl! I was mad and wanted to protect you-"

"So that's your reason for BREAKING someone's nose?" Kenma scoffed as he helped Terushima up, "Terushima can date whoever he wants, its neither me or your business." Kenma started walking away, helping Terushima.

"Kenma, wait!"

"You've done enough, go home."

Kuroo stood there in silence. He was angry. Sad. He wanted to punish himself.

...

On his walk home, Kuroo found a lighter. Before he even got home he went to an alleyway. Burning himself on his shoulder. It was bleeding and bad. Kuroo was in a lot of pain, but still decided to go shower. He wanted to wash away the blood from Terushima, and the other scars on his skin. He wanted to just disappear from this world.

...

When Kuroo tried to sleep that night, the events earlier would replay, but the outcome would be worse each time. Kuroo didn't know why he did what he did, or that he would ever get Kenma to forgive him. His mind swirled with the thoughts of Kenma hating him. Kenma wanting Kuroo to be dead. Kenma being disgusted with Kuroo. Kuroo's urge to kill himself was growing stronger with each thought. But he tried pushing the thoughts away. he wanted to be stronger, but it was hard. He wanted to be happy, but it was hard. He wanted Kenma to love him back, but it was hard. Everything about his life was hard. He wished he could change it, but he didn't know how.

* * *

_**Kenma Kozume's POV**_

Kenma was helping Terushima to stop his nosebleed, both boys in the bathroom. Yaku Morisuke dashed into the bathroom, being the mom he is, slamming the door wide open. 

"WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT DID KUROO DO? DID HE HURT YOU?"

"Maybe it was just a ghost, Yaku-san." said a tall boy with silver hair and teal eyes who followed in behind Yaku.

"WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF KUROO HAD A GHOST, TELLING ME HE'S HURT KENMA IN SOME WAY!! LEV YOU'RE A GENIUS!"

Kenma just sighed as he looked at Lev and Yaku. These were high school students, and they still believed in ghosts? It seemed so ridiculous to Kenma that he didn't know how to feel about it.

"Ghosts **aren't** real."

Lev looked at Kenma with wide eyes and concern, "They very much are! I see my sister's ghost sometimes..." Lev's tone went from enthusiastic to depressed real quick. His sister had died earlier that year in a terrible car crash. Lev says he sees her ghost, but Kenma thinks it's just Lev's way of coping.

The room was silent until Yaku broke it, "Well what the fuck actually happened? My senses weren't tingling for nothing!"

...

After Kenma explained what happened, Yaku was even more furious, he insisted on talking to Kuroo but Lev said no. Kenma didn't really know how to feel. He knew he was angry, but also happy? Happy that Kuroo would do anything to protect him. Kenma just held the thought as he watched Yaku yell at Lev and also comfort Terushima.

...

The ceiling was white and the walls were white, kind of looked like one of those rooms you'd put those psychopaths in in the movies. The room was only filled with the moonlight and the TV light. Kenma liked his room like this. He didn't have much in his room except his bundle of fuzzy cat blankets, his gaming consoles from over the years, his bed, a dresser and a TV that sat right on top of that dresser. His room wasn't that small, he just didn't care to have a lot, besides that would be more mess to clean up. Kenma was the messiest person he knew, so he didn't want to add on to his messy personality. Kenma was sat on his bed, wrapped up in one of his cat blankets, his game controller in hand as he stared at the TV screen. He was playing Animal Crossing, one of the older ones to see what it was like to play. He sighed as he wasn't able to focus on fishing, in game, because his thoughts were on something else.

It was only a few days ago since Kuroo flipped out to the extent of breaking Teru's nose (this is the nickname that Kenma calls him). Kenma was so confused. He's been thinking about what had bothered his best friend so much that Kenma has been losing more sleep than usual. He wanted to know what was wrong. He'd rather not admit it, but Kenma was worried as fuck for Kuroo. 

Placing his game controller on the bed, Kenma literally rolled out bed. His laziness didn't let him stand up like a normal person to get out of bed. Luckily for him, since he got out bed like this normally, he had pillows surrounding the side of his bed. He _then_ stood up, walking to his door. He walked out of his room, running down the stairs, and bolting out the front door. Wherever this newfound speed and consciousness came from, Kenma flourished in it.

...

Out of breath, Kenma approached the doorway to a house he's been to dozens of times. Kuroo's house. The driveway was empty so Kenma assumed Kuroo's parents were away. The steps were made out of concrete and the door was painted red. The door has a decorative wreath hanging from it. Kenma lightly knocked on the door. About 47 seconds passed until the door was swung open. What appeared was a tall, pale, and tired Kuroo. Kuroo was where a sleeveless shirt and shorts. But something else was on his arms. Kenma observed it closer and saw a burn mark and some sort of scratches on his arms.

"Hey, Kuroo what's that on your arm-"

As soon as Kenma mentioned the word "arm," Kuroo quickly ran off. Kenma ran off and followed him into the house and up the stairs. Kuro had already entered his room, and it was locked. Kenma grabbed the knob and began to shake it.

"Kuroo! Open the door! What's wrong with you lately?"

"W-Wait a second KenKen, I-I'll be there in a sec." Kuroo never stuttered. Never. Kenma definitely knew something was up. Kenma ran to the bathroom across the hall, opening the medicine cabinet to find the master key. He rushed over to Kuroo's room, Kenma almost tripping on the carpet because he's a klutz. He put to key in the knob, turning it and unlocking the door.

Kuroo stared at Kenma in shock as Kuroo was sitting on his bed rushing to put on the sweatpants that were half-way up his legs. Kenma hadn't seen Kuroo in his underwear since they were 10, so Kenma instinctively looked away as Kuroo changed. Kenma's face was heated as he collapsed onto a pillow that was on the ground.

Kenma kept his face in the pillow for about 5 minutes until he felt someone wrap their arms around him.

"Awwww KenKen, you getting shy?" Kuroo said in a flirtatious tone right in Kenma's ear.

"I told you to never talk like that to me again and to never call me that." Kenma's legs dangled as Kuroo held him up, Kenma's face was showing pure boredom and annoyance but his mind was running with thoughts. Kenma thought Kuroo was being so cute right now, but Kenma came here to ask about what was wrong.

"I didn't come for your flirting." 

"Then what did you come for?" Kuroo placed Kenma back down on the pillow.

"I came to ask you what is wrong with you lately? I can't get sleep because I'm concerned and want to know if you're ok."

...

Next thing Kenma knew was that Kuroo was basically throwing him out of the house, slamming the door behind him. Kenma's heart shattered. His help wasn't enough? What was Kuroo going through? Why was he so angry? Kenma just hoped he could get the old Kuroo back as he got up and started to make his way back home, waiting to hole back up in his room.

* * *

_**Kenma Kozume's POV** _

It was December 3rd 5:32 PM.

Kenma made his way towards Kuroo's house, once again. Kenma was all dressed up as well for the occasion. It was currently Friday, the day of the party. The winter air was cold and smelled of dead leaves. With each step, the leaves beneath his feet would crunch. Today was the first day of December that it was actually cold outside. It was so cold that with each breath, a cloud out smoke would escape into the air. In the winter, it's fairly warm. Kenma was actually in two jackets today, the first one his own, a fuzzy one, and the second was Kuroo's Nekoma jacket.

Kuroo had left it the last time he came over, Kenma guessed it was because he wanted to get rid of anything that related to volleyball. Kenma had always been puzzled to why Kuroo quit volleyball when the sport was literally his life. Kuroo and Bokuto would play daily, trying to compete for the ace. Kenma never played, but growing up with Kuroo made him learn how to play and the positions. The only position Kenma actually liked was the setter. Akaashi was Nekoma's setter, and a good one at that. Toru Oikawa was the previous setter, whom was amazing an setter. Oikawa quit this year as well, because Hajime Iwaizumi, his best friend, was in a coma. Oikawa and Iwaizumi promised each other to play volleyball together, so for Iwaizumi to be in a coma to not be able to play the sport they loved, well, it just broke him. Oikawa is just now waiting for Iwaizumi to wake and make a full recovery before he decides to play again. Luckily, with his time off from the sport, he was able to take Akaashi under his wing and show him how to play as a setter.

Kenma had already approached that same old red door once he finished his finally thoughts. Hesitantly, he knocked on the door. A few minutes passed before the same old rooster head opened the door. He was dressed up too. Well, he was dressed up, but his jacket was hanging off of his shoulder, his shoes were untied and his hair was a mess. 

"Hey KenKen! You ready for the party tonight?" Kuroo said, cracking a big and wide smile. Kenma just shuffled his feet, head hanging low. He really didn't know if he was ready. He was frightened at the thought of Kuroo attacking Terushima again. Kenma was still mad at Kuroo for that, of course, but was concerned for Kuroo's mental health.

"Yeah, I am." Kenma finally replied. Once he looked back up, he saw Kuroo looking at him with his head tilted to the side.

"Is that my jacket?"

"Yeah, why?"

"It looks great on you! Better than it looks on me." He chuckled.

Kenma ignored the comment, "Let's just go, stupid rooster." Kuroo pouted at the comment, but shook it off as he lead Kenma to his car. Both unaware what the night had in store for them.


End file.
